That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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