That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My bed smells like the plague
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