yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
