no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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