well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
