3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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