he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
