Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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