If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
