nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
