I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
