if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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