Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
