ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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