You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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