I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
