Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize