Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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