i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
