Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
