If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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