No awkward lesbian experiences without me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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