If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize