I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
