You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Randomize
