Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
