do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
