Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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