Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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