I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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