Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
