This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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