You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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