I accidentally burped into my bong.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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