Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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