I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
