i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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