My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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