So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
