Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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