There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
