Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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