The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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