I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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