so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
