Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
