I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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