I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
