If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
