it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
