FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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