Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
