We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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