Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
