apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
