What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
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