it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
