I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
