Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
