so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
