i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
