I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
