Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
