I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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