I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Are my feet made of real feet?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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