Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
