If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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