No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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