if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
