: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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