idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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