wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
