The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize