guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
