There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
