I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
