she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
