u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
