Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize