dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize