I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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