i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
