I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
