my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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