Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His nipple licking is glorious
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
