Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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