By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
