jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
