I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
