I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
