oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
