You can't motorboat a personality
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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