After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
