We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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