I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
