During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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