It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
two words...techno handjob
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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