come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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