I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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