He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She bit a glass in half.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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