I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I intend to get homeless drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
