There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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