i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Two words: blizzard sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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