Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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